are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
