Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
