How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
