end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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