I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
