It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
