we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
