Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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