Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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