He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
