Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
