I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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