There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Success! We fucked roommates!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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