I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
