i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
