I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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