he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
