just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
