we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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