Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
