he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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