you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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