trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
