the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
