My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
