In the future we'll all be gay
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
