whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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