Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
