It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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