Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
