A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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