roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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