wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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