Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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