Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have aggressive nipples.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
