just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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