I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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