I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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