Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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