Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
