Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
