If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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