some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
