Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
