i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
