in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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