there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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