a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
