wat bout pragnant strippers??
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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