Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
